This is something I found super interesting to look at when I started my research before going into the query trenches, so I thought I would give anyone curious a look at the query letter I wrote before submitting to Inimitable Books LLC.
Fair warning, the query letter contains minor spoilers for The Legionnaire so continue at your own discretion.
I wrote a lot of versions of this query letter before getting to the one you've just read. At first, I wanted to include more information about the secondary characters, especially because The Legionnaire is written from three points of view, but that wasn't sitting right. When I had other people read the query letter who hadn't read The Legionnaire, they just ended up confused.
I hadn't really reached the heart of the story. Those secondary characters are important in their own right, but the way they emotionally affect Saiden was why they were important in the story I was trying to tell.
There is so much advice out there about how to structure a query letter--personally, I love Susan Dennard's resources on how she got her agent, so I'm not going to go into that here, go check out her blog. The advice I want to give to any querying writer is to make sure you find the heart of your story. That's what's going to capture your reader's attention and make them fall in love with your story.
And if they don't, please keep trying. The world needs your stories.
Saiden, a Blood-Cursed Legionnaire—blessed by both the God of Life and Goddess of Death—is a paradox. Called both “death-bringer” and “world-ender,” she is surprisingly careful about taking lives and proving herself to be a monster. Torn between her loyalty to her queen and the need to protect her people, Saiden struggles to decide who she is going to be in a world that has already cast her aside.
Queen Loralei is hiding the fact that she’s been blessed by the God of Life while navigating the manipulative and dangerous landscape of ruling a kingdom. When she discovers a mysterious prisoner in her dungeons, she begins to unravel a complicated plot that shadows her reign and would change the course of history.
Mozare, gifted by the Goddess of Death with the powers to control shadows, is hiding lots of secrets in the dark. As Saiden’s legionnaire partner, he would do everything to protect her—even if that means killing the queen she swore to protect to save her from a fate worse than death.
With friends and enemies becoming indistinguishable from each other, can these three individuals survive long enough to fulfill their destinies without losing those closest to them, or will their missions irreparably ruin them—and possibly the entire kingdom?